


Shenanigans

by bonamb



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 11:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonamb/pseuds/bonamb
Summary: A collection of one-shots of shenanigans that happen in and around the precinct. Updated whenever I get another idea or prompt. Feel free to submit one! Tags will be added as it expands.





	Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written properly, so I mostly do these as warmups. Enjoy!

Jake stared at the board, considering his move. He knew his opponent was a master strategist, and one with a brain as great as her butt. He had to go slowly and think through each possible combination of moves that his actions could create - but first…

Jake pointed to a pawn. “Hey Ames, what’s this one do?”  

Amy looked up, red imprints on her forehead from where it had spent the last 20 minutes pressed against her tinsel covered keyboard. “That’s a pawn-”

“-Title of our sextape” Jake interrupted.

His wife’s eyes blazed across the table at him with briefly repressed murder before she slammed her head back onto the table with a muffled scream. _Excellent._ Jake’s plan was working. He cracked his knuckles and took the first move.

 

* * *

 

Jake kicked a chair across the empty office and balanced the castle on the tip of his nose calling, watching it wobble for a moment, saying “Hey Santiago! Look at me!”.

Her eyes flickered in his direction before she studiously ignored him and concentrated on the board. Neither of them was winning at the moment. They had each lost a number of pawns, Amy her two knights and Jake his bishops. According to him, he had deliberately lost the bishops because “I’m Jewish, Ames” and “the horses are far cooler anyway.” When she had informed him about other religions having bishops he had paused and said: “I know that.”

God, she was _this_ close to either tying him to the bed and having her revenge later, or kicking him out to the couch to suffer for his sins. She hadn’t decided whether he had been naughty or nice yet.

 

* * *

 

Peering over the top of his steepled fingers, Jake did his best Sherlock Holmes impression as he stared at the board. Wait. Would that mean Boyle was Watson? He would have to look into this later. For now, he had a game to win.

A game that Santiago was _winning._

This was unacceptable. Completely and utterly. New measures would have to be implemented. He looked over to where his wife had put her head on the desk, and after a couple of seconds licked his little finger and put it in her ear. She screamed, and fell off her chair, causing Holt behind him to look up from his desk.

“Get your fingers _away_ from me Peralta!”

Jake only had to wiggle his eyebrows and smirk for Amy’s face to light up bright red. It was adorable. Turning his head, he yelled over his shoulder to Holt’s office.

“Don’t worry Captain, just marital fun and games! All in the Christmas spirit!”

Holt raised an eyebrow and Jake paused.

“All consensual of course! She said yes to the fingering! Even in marriage consent is important and we both did it so don’t worry!”

A moment, and Holt’s monotone voice floated out of the office. “Get back to chess, Peralta. Perhaps it might teach you some subtlety.”

Jake nodded and grinned, giving him the thumbs up. Turning back, he saw Amy was still sitting on the floor with her face in her hands. Wow, even her ears were red! He snapped a pic with his phone for posterity.

 

* * *

 

Terry walked through the gate, waving at the two. “I’m just stopping by to grab my kid’s toy. They left it somewhere last time they came - when I find it I’ll be out and back to a christmas dinner _without_ Zeke.” The sarge did a little wriggle dance of delight as Jake subtly moved his phone to record and Amy squinted at the lack of organisation. On his way to his workstation, Terry stopped by the desk and looked at the board for a second before shrugging and moving off. “You’re gonna lose Peralta.”

Amy did a small fistpump and picking a piece, moved her bishop across the board and flicked his castle off, smirking as she did so, saying “Your go, Peralta.”

Jake grinned back at her and moved to grab the castle from the floor. As he sat back in his chair, Amy could only watch in horror as a couple of wires seemed to get crossed in Jake’s brain and he flicked the piece into the air before catching it in his mouth.

“Glurk-”

“Oh my God, Jake you idiot.”

Jake made more choking sounds as the castle lodged itself in his throat. Amy stood in preparation to leap across the desk and save her husband but Terry was already behind him, picking him up and fixing his giant arms around Jake, and with one squeeze he probably broke about 17 of Jakes ribs. At least that’s what the wheeze-scream sounded like to Amy - the one which followed the chess piece covered in Jake spit flying out of his mouth and straight into Amy’s left eye, causing her to clap her hands over her face and fall backwards right onto her tailbone.

 

* * *

 

“Sorry babe.”

Amy ignored him and the pain in her posterior, focusing on the board in front of her with her _limited_ vision thanks to the giant white pad strapped across her left eye and her idiot husband. And a repentant Terry.

“In all fairness, you do look like a pirate right now and that’s like second to my dream of becoming a cop so that’s awesome.”

Amy very deliberately moved a piece back across the board to her side and sat back, crossing her arms, staring him down with a single eye. He didn’t look remotely repentant. In fact, he looked to be on the verge of repressing laughter.

“I mean it is tangled up in your hair too and I’m actually sorry for the butt because that’s a fun bit, but I did get you an ice pack to sit on - oh god is that what my mom did to freeze her eggs I hope not that sounds painful did you know she did that? She was saying something about golden years which is crazy because I don’t think my mom has had any of those but I’ve only been alive for half of them so I probably don’t know anything and-”

_“Jake.”_

Internally, Amy was quite impressed. The ice in her voice put the snow outside to shame and it seemed to be working on him.

_“Take. Your. Move.”_

“...I gotta admit babe, I’m really turned on right now.”

She felt her good eye twitch but continued to stare him down. He took his move.

 

* * *

 

“ _Schhhhhhhlup.”_

Amy was seriously considering smothering her husband. After rummaging around in the depths of his desk Jake had found a giant packet of licorice strings and was taking great delight in noisily slurping them down like spaghetti.

“ _Schhhhhhhlup.”_

He had managed to make the board sticky - and somehow all of her pieces too. She winced as she tried to let go of the pawn but it continued to stick to her fingers.

“ _Schhhhhhhlup.”_

“Jake.”

“ _Schhhhhhhlup?”_

“Please stop.”

“ _Schhhhhhhlup.”_

_“Oh my god.”_

 

* * *

 

Captain Holt stopped by the desk and glanced at the finished game. Amy groaned and slumped even lower as her idol’s expression remained resolutely blank.

“I have to say Santiago, I am surprised. I expected you to win.”

“Sorry Captain.” Jake put his hands behind his head. “I’m afraid that even she can’t keep up with my genius.”

Holt looked at him. “You said you didn’t know how to play chess.”

“I actually didn’t, and Amy here used to be in all the chess clubs at her school. Howeverrrrr I googled the rules before we started and nowhere did it say that you’re not allowed to annoy your opponent into losing.”

Holt was silent, raising a single eyebrow before turning his gaze to Santiago who withered under the crushing sensation of his disappointment.

A moment passed before he spoke.

“Just in case you forgot Peralta. The deal was that the winner plays _me._ ”

He continued on to his office as Jake’s expression slowly moved to match Amy’s.

“Oh shi-”


End file.
